Andy: Yellowstone National Theme Park

In my life, I can think of three times when I knowingly walked into a situation where I knew I was being ripped off but didn't turn away:

1.
When I was very young Jimmy Milashus offered me a Hertz Doughnut for 50 cents. I knew it wasn't going to be a doughnut, but I didn't know it was going to be a punch in the butt. RIPOFF!

2.
When I worked at Family video, one of my fellow employee's boyfriend came in with an "incredible deal" featuring fancy watches, sunglasses and cologne that he had on sale for an "amazing price." The watch had a bunch of dials on it, which I was assured were "very important and useful" and I soon realized were "very glued on and false." I wasn't going to buy the watch, but then this man with a gun busted in and told everyone to hit the floor. He fired two shots into the ceiling and that let in a flock of pigeons which started eating all the New Releases (starting with Zoolander and Sexy Sci fi B-movie starring someone named "Zeusy") This dude was serious, and after I hit the panic button I informed him that he had five minutes before the cops showed up and busted his ass. He was all "I have no idea how long that will be," and then we became friends just because we did. His name was Bruno. I bought the watch package for my new friend, Bruno, and started the timer. 5 minutes to go. Oh no! But the hole in the ceiling! It's too bright! Good thing I bought that sweet pair of knockoff Raybans so I could see the cash register while Bruno grabbed the cologne spraying it liberally at the vicious pigeons which, upon finishing the Nearly New section, had the discerning taste to spare the Foreign and Classic films and went straight for the cash.

We escaped from that hellhole with 2 million in unmarked bills. But I paid 25 for that watch and it broke the next day. RIPOFF!

3.
My Family and I went to Gatlinburg Tennesee for vacation. RIPOFF!


There is one more time that exists in recent memory:

Yellowstone National Park is one of our country's greatest treasures, which is probably why it has been hijacked by pirates who charge 12 dollars at the gate per head, for bikers. That's not too unreasonable though, if camping is included. No no though, this isn't "Reasonable Land where everything makes sense." This is Yellowstone National Park, land of beautiful horizons and fascinating natural phenomenon, all surrounded by luscious rusty fences and sweet stuffed things that cost more than uninsured hip replacement surgery (which, at least when it's done, you have a new hip, and a sweet scar (instead of a wallet with more space for long, fee-decorated camping receipts. )). So, anyways, camping cost us a collective 33 bucks (a new record!)

At Old Faithful, Stu bought the most expensive cup of Ramen I'd ever seen and when he asked at the cafe for a cup of hot water, he was told something to the extent of 'No way, we have whole families of Asians trying to pull that one on us.' This man would not give us a CUP OF HOT WATER at OLD FAITHFUL! HOT WATER LITERALLY SHOOTS UP FROM THE GROUND EVERY HOUR HERE!!!!!

Unacceptable.

The Moral of the Story is:

Those who go to Yellowstone.... shouldn't.

61 days till DC (or someplace near there.)